When Friends and Family Don't Understand

Why Others May Miss It

Emotional abuse often happens privately, and the person involved may have been charming in public. Friends and relatives might have seen only the good moments. Some people also struggle with the idea that someone they know could act this way. Understanding why others miss it does not make their reactions hurt less, but it can help you decide how much to share and with whom. It can also help to notice whether certain people tend to respond with curiosity and others with judgment.

Questions That Sting

Comments like "but they seemed so nice" or "why didn't you just leave?" can land as blame, even when they are meant as curiosity. You might find yourself defending your choices or going quiet. In therapy, Marie can help you notice what those comments stir up and look at the conclusions you may draw about yourself, such as "maybe it really wasn't that bad." Therapy can help you hold onto your own understanding of what happened, even when others see it differently.

Choosing What to Share

You do not owe anyone a full account. Some people find it helpful to have a short, prepared response for casual questions and save deeper conversations for the few people who have shown they can listen. In sessions, you can practice phrases and think through which relationships feel supportive right now. That can change over time, and that is okay. Some people also decide to set limits on certain topics, such as asking a relative not to bring up a former partner at family events. Those limits can protect your energy while relationships adjust.

Finding People Who Do Understand

Support might come from a friend who has been through something similar, an advocate, or a therapist. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, offers confidential support and safety planning. If you are in danger, call 911. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. Having even one person who listens without judgment can make the rest easier to manage. Support groups and community organizations may also offer connection with people who have similar experiences.

How Therapy Can Help

Marie offers a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what you are looking for. Keep web form messages short and save details for private conversation. Ask about online therapy in Oregon or current Portland office availability and days. On the call, you can talk about who is in your support system right now and what has felt most isolating. Teens, young adults, and adults are all welcome to reach out.

Questions You May Have