Relationship Series: Am I Being Emotionally Manipulated?

Blog #1: PART 2

Swept off your feet...that “Too-good-to-be-true” whirlwind romance on that night you least expect. Is this real? Unfortunately, if he is a narcissist, it most likely is not. The initial encounter(s) with a narcissist shower you with excessive attention and flattery - grand gestures and gifts. In your mind, this “charming persona” is YOUR PERSON. Your friends encourage you with waves of accolades that this new person is “so romantic.” Beware: before you know it, you have been fast-tracked into an exclusive relationship with someone you truly don’t know and is a character in “disguise.” In short, the coupling of their charismatic persona, with the extravagant care/attention and assurance by your friends, affirms that in your heart and mind this must be “LOVE," but it is the “HOOK.”

“Love Bombing” is the initial “hook” for the vast majority of unhealthy relationships. What is love bombing? Your new love interest will say, “You're not like anyone else I’ve ever met before” or “You are so special.” You are charmed by undivided attention and over-the-top gestures/gifts. You ask, why did the narcissist pick me? Your positive qualities uphold the narcissist’s external image and reputation and fulfill the narcissist’s hollow inner self of deep insecurities. The narcissist provides you with an illusion of trust, but understand that the narcissist’s character is neither honest nor trustworthy. They hook you by pretending to exude all the internal positive qualities that YOU have: Kindness, loyalty, high EQ/emotional intelligence. This mirror provides both an illusion of love and the illusion of trust that people who are genuinely empathic and trusting fall for. In turn, you fall head over heels for the narcissist because they have deceived you into believing that they are just like you - when in fact, they are not.

The narcissist believes that they are superior to others and seeks to display to the world a certain persona of having it all together. Narcissists often surround themselves with individuals who have attributes of wealth and education. Their social network is transactional and each person serves a certain role and function in their world. It is a web of lies controlled by the narcissist to uphold their need for external validation for the inner sense of self they lack. These are not genuine connections, but rather are contrived and controlled mechanisms to compensate for their “soul-less,” deeply hidden insecurities. Believe me when I say that it usually doesn't go well.